The Writer's Factory

John Dierckx - Renaissance Man

thewritersfactory@gmail.com — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 09:21:52 GMT

I would like to introduce the site of a friend of mine (a made guy), John Dierckx. Check him out at http://johndierckx.terapad.com John is one of life's thinkers. I get on well for him because I just drop a dime, give him a call and he does all of my thinking. The good thing is that John is one of these philosophers who is on the level and doesn't lead me of the garden path with his thoughts. I try hard not to think....To quote C.J. from Reginald Perrin --- "Reggie, my father caught me thinking one day. C.J. he said, Philosophising doesn't get the dishes done." (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073990/)

John also happens to be one of New Zealand's leading fraud investigators. Check his other sites out at http://dierckx.terapad.com and http://www.dierckx.co.nz

John has recently written up on the dangers of CO2 emissions, which was probably after just having taken a car ride with me with the windows up. The great Greek thinkers were so pre-occupied with thinking that many times they left the house without any pants on. Pythagorus' hypothesis originally came to him after receiving a rather nasty draft up his theorum. If there was money in thinking, John would have a bank account the size of Bill Gates. Now, I'm not sure if I would like to see either John, or Bill without any pants on.

Epicurus basically said that man can live in supreme happiness, fortified by the continual experience of modest pleasures. For John, those are a good long black and the occasional ciggie.

Check out his web sites. You'll be a better person for having done so.

Kyle

Plates

thewritersfactory@gmail.com — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 08:56:07 GMT

My wife has started buying L-Shaped dinner plates, because now when she throws them at me and they miss, they come back to her.

Kyle

Script Formatting

thewritersfactory@gmail.com — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 23:27:37 GMT

Scripts go through various drafts, first, second, final, shooting, etc. We have reviewed many scripts by first time and other such authors who in their first draft have "POV", "ANGLE ON---", "THE CAMERA PANS TO:". These are directorial commands that certainly (in most cases) have no need to be in a first draft. When writing alongside the director, these certainly have their place as it can help the storyboarder. Unless you are a 100% sure you are going to be directing the script, leave these out unless asked for.

Kyle

My Car

thewritersfactory@gmail.com — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 21:46:01 GMT

I think it is time to replace my car. I started it up this morning and it puffed out so much white smoke, that all the catholics in my neighbourhood thought a new Pope had been elected.

Kyle

Tough Cops

thewritersfactory@gmail.com — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 21:43:56 GMT

In Los Angeles the Cops are so tough, I went up to one of them and said, "Excuse me, how do I get to Universal Studios or should I just F*(K off now?"

I was a little concerned when I moved from New Zealand to L.A. The Police here do not carry guns. When walking down the main streets of Beverly Hills I saw guards standing outside Jewellry stores with .45s strapped to both hips. I was rather concerned with the fact that they give guns to people who don't look like they could spell "gun".

In New Zealand, there is always a poor old bank guard, who stands unarmed. There was one the other day on the high street who was so weedy, he looked like he was having trouble supporting the hat on his head. What can these guys do when there is a robbery? Reminds me sort of of the guard on "Dog Day Afternoon" with Al Pacino. He collapsed and had an Asthma attack.

Kyle

Mr. Latham's Fish

thewritersfactory@gmail.com — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 00:41:03 GMT

My wife was recently being wheeled into a day surgery at a local Christchurch private hospital. As I watched her being trundled in, I noticed a fish tank at the entrance to the surgery, full of fish, doing what fish do (what exactly, I do not know, just don't drink the water according to W.C. Fields). On the tank was a gold plaque which read "These fish were donated by the late Mr. Latham.". The Late? I asked the Nurse, "Didn't Mister Latham make it out of surgery?".

"I don't know" came the reply.

"Wouldn't it have been better to have on the plaque, 'Donated by the very alive and still kicking Mr. Latham"? The nurse said, out of the thousands of people who have gone through the surgery in the ten years it had been running, I was the first one to mention that. I asked her was Mr. Latham in surgery when he started being called into the light? "Look after my fish...." was his dying wish apparantely.

So, if you're ever in St. George's (whoops!) Hospital in Christchurch, ask where Mr. Latham's Fish in the day ward are and tell them Kyle said hello.

Kyle

The Writer for Hire

thewritersfactory@gmail.com — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 21:20:03 GMT

When you hire a carpenter to fix your door, you don't expect them to have added a third room to your house, now do you? The same goes for a producer hiring a writer. If they give you guidelines to follow, don't get up on your high horse and try and re-invent the whole story. Do the job you are hired to do and deliver that. Once you have delivered what they have wanted, then you can maybe subtely offer suggestions. If you are a writer for hire and you want to be hired again, don't build that extra room on the house.

I have worked as a writer for hire on screenplays and have done my little bit. It may be pacing or flushing the humor out some, but I have seen a writer take what should be a final polish and add new characters, change the ending and added everything apart from alien takeovers to this romantic comedy. To a producer this is a waste of time, especially for a low budget production where time may be critical. To this producer a week has just been wasted and their shooting script has been held up by some pompous writer who thinks they are God's gift to the writer's guild.

Yes, writer's piss me off just about as much as anyone else.

Thank you,

Kyle

Producers Everywhere...

thewritersfactory@gmail.com — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 21:14:52 GMT

Have you watched a comedy such as Frazier, Taxi, Friends, etc and thought to yourself, boy, I wish I could write that funny. If you look at the credits, you may see "written by" and only one person's name appearing. Boy that person must be funny. Well, they could be, but chances are that that person is the one who either came up with the idea or was the one who strung it all together. You will probably notice that there are myriads of producers, co-producers and associate producers on a sit-com, well, these are more than likely writers.

When a sitcom is written, an idea is round tabled and this is where it all begins. Jokes are thought of and situations worked on. It is a big brainstorming session of collective humor. This was how the old radio shows were also written. So, don't get too dispondent when you don't come up with the perfect comedic gem.

I also think that this is is the problem with New Zealand comedies. They are terrible. It is because only one or two people write the show and ideas are not bounced around. Scripts go from the writer to the producer and are then filmed. There is no decision on what funny actually is. When I write with my partner, if both of us do not laugh at the material we have just come up with, even if one person thinks it is a gem, it does not get in. If we both love it and a few readers think it is sour, then it is removed. You are not going to hit everyone, but you should be aiming for the majority of your target demographic.

Performing stand up is the same, make sure that your material is reviewed by others. Try it out, slip it in here or there. Don't just get up and do it as it may clang. There is nothing better in this world than a team of honest reviewers. Don't give it to your mother who has loved everything you have ever written in your life.

Thank you,

Kyle

The Swapshop

thewritersfactory@gmail.com — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 22:46:06 GMT

If you have five minutes, check out a couple of friends of mine who run The Swapshop here in New Zealand (www.swapshop.co.nz). "Tell them Groucho sent you....." - for those of you who are not old enough to remember (I am certainly not), that line came from the famous old television quiz show "You Bet Your Life", hosted by the one, the only, Groucho Marx --- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042171/

Kyle

What is this section about?

thewritersfactory@gmail.com — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 22:39:03 GMT

In this section I hope to discuss, i.e. waffle, about various types of writing, the writing process and writing for different media types. I hope to cover, television, print, radio and screenplays as well as comedy writing. Each of these sections has their own gotchas and during my rantings and ravings I hope to share some of our experiences in working with other writers, working with Directors and Producers and the creative process. Watch this space....

Thank you,

Kyle